The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
