Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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