I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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