Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
