PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
