hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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