I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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