i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
