I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
