His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
