AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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