in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
