Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
