Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
