You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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