pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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