How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Sorry my hands just texted you
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
