The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
All I want is dick and wine.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
