Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
