well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
