my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
