im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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