Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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