Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
