similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize