The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
