Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
