ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
