Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize