Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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