people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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