Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
