look no pants
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
