I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
