So drunk, too bad you don't want this
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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