Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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