Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
