Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
try to milk me bitch
Randomize