They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
