Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
do nipples grow back?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize