i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My hand turned me down
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
