the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Even my vagina gasped.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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