Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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