I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Randomize
