She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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