you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
