Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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