I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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