bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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