remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
