My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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