6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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