How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
