MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
