i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize