apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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