What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
