My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize