Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
