I faked an abortion last night.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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