You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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