You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize