Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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