it wasn't lemon gatorade
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
