i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize