Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
