The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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