I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
