I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i think my cat just said my name.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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